There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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