Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
