At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
