He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
