too bad you live with your parents still
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
