So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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