There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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