don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
