I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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