It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
