The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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