the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
