my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
