her vagine was all disorganized.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
