it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
