Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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