yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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