Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
