so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
