: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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