wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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