why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
