if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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