Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
