"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
