Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So many bounce houses so little time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
