Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Randomize
