My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
