I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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