We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
