so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
