I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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