they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
