worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
