I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
