yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
