If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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