Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
