Michael Bay diarrhea
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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