Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
