The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my liver is dry heaving
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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