I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
