I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
