I hate your face
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
