i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
did i just pee glitter
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
