I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
