we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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