have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
