Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
