He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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