Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think i scared a bird with my dick
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
