Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have aggressive nipples.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
