TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
