so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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