Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
