$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
