wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
