Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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