So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
